On Mirror Selfies:
I admire the bravery of those women who post mirror selfies on the internet. They are prepared to be criticised, mocked, or abused by people who may comment on them. Some display their vanity or narcissism, others their honesty or humour, but all have a courage that I do not possess. I am sure that some of those photographs will have been posted by ex-boyfriends or girlfriends intent on embarrassing the subjects, perhaps what is called 'revenge porn', although without the ability to track their provenance it is impossible for me, at any rate, to identify which. So I can only take them at face value. Some are of 'celebrities' – people who may have no discernible talent but have become famous for being famous, without demonstrating any actual ability or talent, other than for self-promotion. Others are ordinary women who use their mobile phones to record themselves on a particular day, perhaps in a particular mood, and have chosen to share it with the world. Who can really tell why? So there is no narrative, or identification with the shots, all they have is themselves, and we can attempt to determine the story, if there is one, for ourselves. I would be happy to receive such images from any of my readers, if they are brave enough – but on the understanding that they will not themselves be posted on anywhere, without the sender's express permission, which I do not seek. For my own part, I find it difficult enough being photographed by another - as the rather strained smile on my editorial photograph above demonstrates - so it is obvious that no Mirror, or any other kind of Selfies will never appear, for they will never be taken, because . . . . .
Miss Teri regrets, she will take no Mirror Selfies, Today, Tomorrow, or Ever!

Jings, Crivvens and Help ma Boab! 
 
The first snow of 2016 fell on Friday afternoon, much to the delight of the Syrian children here, at Aunty Crist's house. Even though there was only enough to make a Snow Cat they were out throwing small snowballs at each other and us, and only came back in when their tiny hands were frozen and had to be warmed in a basin of hot water. Nevertheless, they said it was the best day ever!
     Which illustrates the subjectivity we bring to every situation or experience. Because some of the adults groaned audibly when the kids pointed to the minuscule white specks which only they had seen and told us that it was snowing. “Oh no it isn't!” “Oh yes it is!” and after a short while they were proved right when it became a whiteout.
     Aunty Crist promised them that if there was enough snow in the morning we would take them sledging on the lower slopes of the Eildons. She still has some of our old sledges in the garage – which doesn't have room for a car because of all the other stuff stored there. Most of which arrived whenever one or other of us nieces needed to put surplus items there whenever we were moving flats or had to make way for new items of furniture and never reclaimed them. How she keeps track of things or remembers what is there is anybody's guess. Age hasn't affected her memory and she can tell us what the weather was like on a day in 1963 or 1975 or 1944 mentioned by someone as part of an anecdote – also what everyone involved was wearing or some detail about our hairstyles although when it gets into the 80s or 90s when rapid changes of style confuse her as much as the rest of us.
     But in the morning, when I looked out, although the snow from last night still crusted the grass, there had been no more, although the paths were icy, I doubt whether there will be much sledging today. And certainly no snowman. But when I saw th kids – who all seem to be up and about earlier on weekend mornings than school-days, when they emerge tousled and with faces still swollen from sleep. Today, Saturday, they are bright as buttons and clamouring to be let out. Did they ever see snow back in their homeland? The parents try to hush them, for most of the other adults are still sleeping, but how can excited children ever understand grown-ups need for sleep, especially at weekends?
     This is when I do feel an acute longing to be a mother – not to have to go through the sexual act with a man, no, no, no, I had enough of that when I was still a child myself and was happy to renounce it once I became aware of my own sexuality, as something quite separate from the role those Men allocated to me, nor to go through the nine months of pregnancy, no, never – to have someone who is mine to cherish, lavish with my love, and give security and support. But first, I need to meet Miss Right! Oh, I've had plenty of Lovers and met some wonderful women and I suppose I've been a kind of Serial Monogamist but maybe this past few weeks in the company of the Syrian Families has brought home to me something which is missing from my life. Life isn't just about sex and if I'm ever going to be in a position to adopt, or have a child with a surrogate, or find a Partner who will have one with a sperm donor, clearly the first step is to 'get hitched' as some of my friends would say!
     Because it isn't just the want for a child, it's the want for a woman to share my life with permanently – or as permanently as is possible to achieve in uncertain times. Maybe I'm just growing up at last and wanting to settle down, Woooo, scary talk. But something for me to think about. They say It's Never Too Late To Date, well maybe It's Never Too Late For The Married State!
So, I suppose . . . . . 
 
Miss Teri Regrets, She's One Wife Short of a Marriage, Today!
(offers in the strictest confidence should be sent via The Editor)
    

'Twas on a Thursday Morning the Jehova's Witness Called!
The curious thing is, that no matter what happens, nothing really changes. We are born, we grow old, we die. And in between birth and death, we – well, most of us – live ordinary lives: we play, we go to school, we get an education, find work, if we're lucky we may fall in love and find someone to share our private moments with, we may have children and, I suppose, those who do, hope that through their children, they may achieve some sort of immortality, and we settle down to our ordinary lives and the prospect, eventually, of death.
     All very ordinary. But also, all very different. Each of us is unique. And not only our fingerprints. Our experiences and our thoughts, or dreams and our desires. Were are each the product of a permutation of so many variables that there will be no-one else in the whole world who is exzactly like us:  physically, mentally, emotionally. With exactly the same experiences and the effects of them. That is why I look at Gloriana and wonder who she is.
 Oh, I know who she is in an ordinary sort of way: she is a woman of almost exactly the same age as me, perhaps a few days older, similar build and general appearance, and lives just a few streets away from Aunty Crist. So, like me in a number of ways, not that we could be mistaken for each othe     She has Faith: A set of Beliefs which govern her life and which she is obliged to broadcast by calling regularly at every address in her Patch, or Beat, or whatever they call it – District, probably.
She distributes The Watchtower and Awake! And engages whoever answers the door in a discussion about Religion, usually based on a theme from one of these magazines, with Biblical refences and quotations. She is a Jehova’s Witness and I'm slightly in love with her! Somehow, by chance, co-incidence and possibly some small degree of planning aforethought, I seem always to be she who answers the door when Gloriana comes a-calling, perhaps because I lurk in the general vicinity on the
expected day and time - I hope I don't seem too easy - and the rest of the Household are content to stay where they are while I stand at the open door and engage in conversation with Gloriana, which, needless to say, though admit it I will, is something of a pleasure.
     I never remember all that we talk about, though I have no doubt that shew will make a note in the LBB that I've been told they all carry around and which records what is said, how long is spent and – for a Gold Star I'm sure – if they are admitted to the house!
     Well, this isn't my house, and Gloriana knows that, so I must keep her at the door – later to receive moans and groans from the others who complain about 'Heating Scotland' or 'Letting the Baltic Wind in,' but I can live with that – and prolong th chat for as long as her interest is sustained. I have never seen her in Melrose or I would suggest going for a coffee – if they are allowed such stimulants (I don't know) and a chance to talk about less Religious things.
     But I believe that Witnesses are barred from Television (does that include movies?) and other aspects of 'Normal' Life. So that could be a limitation. To help me I found this list in Yahoo! Answers and I guess it means that I won't get very far with Gloriana if we can't even be friends, though I sense that the prohibition would run contrary to her natural being. I can always live in Hope if not in Faith.

1. God is not a Trinity; the doctrine is inspired by the Devil
2. Jesus is not to be worshiped or prayed to-he is only an angel (a.k.a. Michael the Archangel)
3. Jesus Christ is a "created being," who at one time did not exist
4. The Holy Spirit is not a person but is "God's active force" i.e. gravity, electricity etc.
5. Heaven is hope only for select Jehovah's Witnesses. The majority of JWs hope to live on "paradise earth"
6. Heaven is limited only to 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses. There are only 9,105 alive today (2012 figures)
7. Jehovah's Witnesses are the only "true Christians." All churches and denominations are considered "false religion"
8. There is no Hell or eternal judgement ("Hell" is simply the grave)
9. There is no life after death except for the 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses
10. Salvation is earned only by being a loyal Jehovah's Witness
11. Jesus second coming happened invisibly and secretly in 1914
12. The "first resurrection" occurred in 1918
13. Jesus did not rise from the dead bodily but as a spirit being
14. Jesus was equal to Adam (just a man)
15. Jesus could have sinned and failed in his mission
16. Jesus was not born the savior but became the savior at his baptism
17. God is not omnipresent
18. God is not omniscient
19. JWs are not sure of their salvation
20. All earthly governments are controlled by the Devil
21. The Holy Spirit is only available to select Jehovah's Witnesses
22. They are forbidden to serve in the military
23. They are forbidden to buy Girl Scout cookies
30. They are forbidden to celebrate any holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc.)
31. They are forbidden to celebrate their birthday
32. They are forbidden to run for or hold a political office
33. They are forbidden to vote in any political campaign
34. They are forbidden to serve on a jury
35. They are forbidden to own or wear a cross
36. They are forbidden to speak to former members who are shunned (disfellowshipped)
37. They are forbidden to accept Christmas gifts
38. They are forbidden to purchase Christian products (books, music, plaques, pictures etc.)
39. They are forbidden to read Christian literature
40. They are forbidden to have friends who are not Jehovah's Witnesses
41. They are forbidden to marry a non-Jehovah's Witness
42. They are forbidden to salute the flag, stand for the national anthem, or own a flag
43. They are forbidden to say "God bless you" when someone sneezes.
44. They are forbidden to have a tattoo
45. They are forbidden to use pet foods made with blood or blood products
46. They are forbidden to donate blood or their organs
47. They are forbidden to read any anti-Jehovah's Witness material
48. They are forbidden to interpret the Bible without Watchtower literature to explain it
49. They are forbidden to wear any Christian jewelry
50. They are forbidden to support their country and be patriotic
51. They are forbidden to be involved in martial arts, boxing or wrestling
52. They are forbidden to join any clubs or sports teams
53. They are forbidden to participate in a school play
54. They are forbidden to use any tobacco products
55. They are forbidden to attend the funeral of an ex-Jehovah's Witness
56. They are forbidden to say "good luck"
57. They are forbidden to be a police officer
58. Women are forbidden pray in the presence of men without a hat or head covering
59. They are forbidden to play chess
60. They are forbidden to wear jade jewelry
61. They must not own wind-chimes (they are for chasing away evil spirits)
62. They must read and study Watchtower literature regularly
63. They must go from door to door weekly to gain converts
64. They must attend five meetings per week
65. Only officially approved sexual practices are allowed in marriage
66. Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Halls have no windows
67. If they witness another Jehovah's Witness breaking the rules they must report them to the elders to be interrogated
68. They are forbidden to take a blood transfusion
69. Men are forbidden wear beards
70. The Watchtower organization is God's prophet on earth today
71. Women must submit to the authority of Watchtower elders
72. They must forgo vacations to attend annual conventions
73. They must study Watchtower books at least six months before they can be baptized
74. Before baptism, one must answer over 80 Bible questions with Scripture references in front of a panel of elders
75. Most of The Book of Revelation applies to the Jehovah's Witnesses
76. They cannot celebrate Mothers or Fathers day (it may produce pride)
77. Kingdom Halls cannot have pews for seating
78. They must appear before a Judicial Committee if they are caught breaking Watchtower rules (Secret files are kept on all members which record these meetings-these files are kept in New York and are never destroyed)

It's rather sad, really. Well, to me it is. I think if I were Religious I would want one which is more affirmative and embracing, rather than full of prohibitions and all the Thou Shall Nots. Most Christians find the Ten Commandments sufficient and they seem to be considered quite generous.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up on Gloriana – I have great patience and can be very determined when I decide what I want. And there is that thing about Forbidden Fruit and she is certainly quite abundant and juicey! Oh, and I should just add that she never comes alone, she is always accompanied by another woman or girl who says little if anything - never the same person, so I presume they are Trainees being Mentored by the lovely Gloriana, Lucky Things!
Miss Teri Regrets she is unable to Deny herself Pleasures of the Flesh, even during Lent!

 
So good I posted it Twice!

My New Year's Resolution: Not to rely on a chair for support!
Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians 1:13
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Although it was not me who chose to spend that period of my life, from before I was 13 until I was 16, in the company of Men who used and abused my body, grown Men, adult Men, Men I looked up to and respected and to whom I gave my trust; though it was them who groomed me, exploited me, used their position of authority and power over me, to make me a living sex doll for their own pleasures; despite that, I still feel some guilt that I allowed it, that I went along with it, that I permitted it to happen.
     That isn't logical and, in all the counselling and support I received afterwards, it was explained to me that I was an innocent and vulnerable child who should never have been used in those ways, and that the guilt – though never proved in a Court of Law – belonged to the Men who made use of me. But I still felt it.
     Like the person who blames themselves for walking home along a quiet street and getting mugged.
     Like the person who hasn't triple-locked their home and fitted burglar alarms and installed a guard dog to give burglars a short, sharp, shock.
     Like the person who falls for the glib and charming voice on the telephone and trust it to be the voice of the bank and gives them the information that enables the criminals to empty their bank account and abscond with their life saving.
     Like the person who jostles, in the crowded pub, the elbow of a stranger who, having spilt some of their beer, decides to punish you by ramming the broken glass of their pint into your face, causing life changing injuries and the loss of an eye.
     Or the person who survived the Holocaust but lost their entire family and six million of their Faith and ever afterwards wonders why they were spared and feels that they did not deserve this and others should have survived in their place.
     Or the child who survives the motor-way pile-up which took the lives of her mother and baby sister and feels guilty for being chosen to live in their place.

We know it doesn't make sense for people to blame themselves for the actions of criminals, murderers, and those twists of fate which put them in the wrong place, at the wrong time, in the wrong epoch, yet condemns them to carry this feeling of guilt for years after.
     This is one of the reasons I became a Counsellor myself – to try to make up for what I had been through, by helping others to find their own solutions for the difficulties they have encountered, often through addictions. Because we can become addicted to self-reproach, and to negative self-talk, which encourages us to thoughts and beliefs which are every bit as much a form of self-harm as cutting or drinking or taking drugs or forming abusive relationships. We deserve better from ourselves. We need to be kinder towards ourselves. We need to be our own Best Friend Forever. I have always – well maybe not quite always, but certainly frequently - found myself giving others the benefit of the doubt, but failing to allow myself that. I have been able to see beyond a person's behaviour and understand that there are issues and circumstances which have influenced them and made them the person they are and behave in the ways that they do. Every action is the result of something which preceded it, and we may not know what that was, because being human we do not have that all-seeing gift of Gods. So we try to make allowances. Well I do. For others, not always for myself.
So, if I have any regrets today,
I suppose what I feel I ought to say, is:
Miss Teri Regrets that she has blamed herself, too harshly, for too long, for what was none of her fault at all, and has resolved to be far more forgiving of her own mistakes, just as she is quick to forgive others for theirs.

 
A Happy New Year to One and All!
I'm not really a New Year Person. Oh, I used to get drunk and riotous, then maudlin and weepy, but now I'm just glad when it's all over.
     I don't make any resolutions, because I've never stuck with them in the past, so don't see the point in lumbering myself with more things to feel guilty about.
     So we all sip our drinks, alternating between glasses of Rum and something, Snowballs, a nice Single Malt and Bubbly, and watch The Hogmanay Show on BBC1. Jackie Bird has been hosting it since Mario Conti was an Altar Boy and we always have Aly Bain and Phil Cunningham, though for some unexplained reason, Aly was absent for Auld Lang Syne last night – he must have got “tooken short,” as we say here!
     But the Headliners were The Bay City Rollers! Not the original line-up, but the latest get-together.
“The money must be getting tight,” is our cynical response, but it's always fun to hear that breezy singalong stuff from childhood. Of course no-oone admits to actually being old enough to have gone to gigs then, but we can pull our scarves up and sway out arms and join in the choruses. And I did have white breeks with tartan turn-ups back then, and tartan scarves and even a tartan tammy, though if I went out dressed like that night somebody would probably call the men in white coats to come and take me away, HA HA!
     But it is a time when we all find ourselves reflecting on the past twelve months, perhaps wishing we had said or done some things differently – or not at all; missing those who have died, or gone away, particularly – in my case – the ones we have loved but now must never see or make contact with, for when love ends it seems to nring down an iron curtain and all that talk about still being friends, though no longer lovers, just doesn't bear water. We protect ourselves from pain by shutting all the doors, windows, shutters and never mentioning that person again, whose name was never off our lips.
     Sometimes, life really sucks!
     But this is a New Year, a New Adventure.  We don't know what it might bring – well, apart from the appointments already in the 2016 Diary and reflect that when once our diaries had been filled with Dates, now they are only appointments – with editors, bank managers, HMRC, doctors, dentists and hairdressers, garages and dieticians, and the parties in them are more likely be for children's birthdays than our own and our friends, for we become less interested in our birthdays as time passes and we realise that they are not so very important or significant and that age is only a number and it is the Spirit that matters and if, singing along with The Rollers, I can still be 15 in my head, who has the right to tell me that the number is wrong and I'm really . . . . . . . . but no! I'm not going down that road.
     So: do I have any regrets? Well, I'll let Frank answer that question – though the implication that it's the End Time is, I hope, a bit Previous, nevertheless, the words – which I've altered slightly to make the gender more appropriate – do sum up my overall feelings. Mostly. A bit.

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've travelled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"Oh no, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is woman, what has she got?
If not herself, then she has naught.
To say the things she truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Yes, it was my way.
Miss Teri Regrets, she's unable to Regret Anything, Today!