The first snow of 2016 fell on Friday afternoon, much to the delight of the Syrian children here, at Aunty Crist's house. Even though there was only enough to make a Snow Cat they were out throwing small snowballs at each other and us, and only came back in when their tiny hands were frozen and had to be warmed in a basin of hot water. Nevertheless, they said it was the best day ever!
Which illustrates the subjectivity we bring to every situation or experience. Because some of the adults groaned audibly when the kids pointed to the minuscule white specks which only they had seen and told us that it was snowing. “Oh no it isn't!” “Oh yes it is!” and after a short while they were proved right when it became a whiteout.
Aunty Crist promised them that if there was enough snow in the morning we would take them sledging on the lower slopes of the Eildons. She still has some of our old sledges in the garage – which doesn't have room for a car because of all the other stuff stored there. Most of which arrived whenever one or other of us nieces needed to put surplus items there whenever we were moving flats or had to make way for new items of furniture and never reclaimed them. How she keeps track of things or remembers what is there is anybody's guess. Age hasn't affected her memory and she can tell us what the weather was like on a day in 1963 or 1975 or 1944 mentioned by someone as part of an anecdote – also what everyone involved was wearing or some detail about our hairstyles although when it gets into the 80s or 90s when rapid changes of style confuse her as much as the rest of us.
But in the morning, when I looked out, although the snow from last night still crusted the grass, there had been no more, although the paths were icy, I doubt whether there will be much sledging today. And certainly no snowman. But when I saw th kids – who all seem to be up and about earlier on weekend mornings than school-days, when they emerge tousled and with faces still swollen from sleep. Today, Saturday, they are bright as buttons and clamouring to be let out. Did they ever see snow back in their homeland? The parents try to hush them, for most of the other adults are still sleeping, but how can excited children ever understand grown-ups need for sleep, especially at weekends?
This is when I do feel an acute longing to be a mother – not to have to go through the sexual act with a man, no, no, no, I had enough of that when I was still a child myself and was happy to renounce it once I became aware of my own sexuality, as something quite separate from the role those Men allocated to me, nor to go through the nine months of pregnancy, no, never – to have someone who is mine to cherish, lavish with my love, and give security and support. But first, I need to meet Miss Right! Oh, I've had plenty of Lovers and met some wonderful women and I suppose I've been a kind of Serial Monogamist but maybe this past few weeks in the company of the Syrian Families has brought home to me something which is missing from my life. Life isn't just about sex and if I'm ever going to be in a position to adopt, or have a child with a surrogate, or find a Partner who will have one with a sperm donor, clearly the first step is to 'get hitched' as some of my friends would say!
Because it isn't just the want for a child, it's the want for a woman to share my life with permanently – or as permanently as is possible to achieve in uncertain times. Maybe I'm just growing up at last and wanting to settle down, Woooo, scary talk. But something for me to think about. They say It's Never Too Late To Date, well maybe It's Never Too Late For The Married State!
So, I suppose . . . . .
Miss Teri Regrets, She's One Wife Short of a Marriage, Today!
(offers in the strictest confidence should be sent via The Editor)
No comments:
Post a Comment